Ghost of Twain at Desk

Pine Nuts: Army Ants and Us

By McAvoy Layne

Army Ants know all about aggression.  They think they invented aggression, and they will do it all day long for the queen.  Sound familiar? Here’s how they wage their wars; first they bivouac, that is to say, they build a living nest with their bodies within a tree trunk or hole in the ground.  Don’t ask me how they do that.  Once they are organized into a big ball, the soldier ants, those with the big mandibles, patrol the surface of the bivouac and fight off aggressors.  

Character of Mark Twain

Pine Nuts: She Cleaned City Hall Until She Became Mayor

By McAvoy Layne

In Russia’s managed democracy of this 21st century, sometimes, though not often, an underdog candidate will actually win an election.  It’s rare as hens’ teeth, but it happened a couple years ago in the tiny village of Povalikhino. The incombent mayor was in desperate need of an opponent to fill out his official looking ballot, but everybody knew the odds, and nobody would step-up.  So the mayor asked city hall janitor, Marina Udgodskaya, if she might be willing to place her good name on the ballot as his opponent.

Ghost of Twain, PINE NUTS: A Fish with a Bicycle

Pine Nuts: A Fish With a Bicycle

By McAvoy Layne

We have long known that fish can navigate. Who among us has not visited Taylor Creek and stood in awe while witnessing the amazing annual salmon run? But can a fish navigate on land, drive a car? Come to find out, the answer is a resounding, “Yes!”

Let us update that popular slogan of the 70’s, “A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle.”  Israeli researchers have not yet taught a fish to navigate a bike, but they have succeeded in teaching a fish to drive a car, and navigate that car toward a cache of food, I kid you not.

Ghost of Twain, PINE NUTS: DRAWDOWN MANIFESTO - 2022

Pine Nuts: Drawdown Manifesto - 2022

By McAvoy Layne

Fear of war begets war as both sides arm-up to pre-empt an attack by the other, and so we find ourselves today fearing yet another self-imposed escalation. With thousands of troops stationed on Ukraine’s border, Russia is telling Ukraine, “If you continue to court NATO we will take whatever action necessary to stop the expansion of NATO. Meanwhile, NATO countries continue to arm Ukraine against a possible invasion, neither side wanting to show a sign of weakness. 

Ghost of Twain, Pine Nuts: My Olympic Romance

Pine Nuts: My Olympic Romance

By McAvoy Layne

With the Olympic Games upon us, I feel compelled to confess, in full, to a lapse of moral judgement that long ago cost yours truly an Olympic berth.  This true confession comes with a caveat to young athletes who aspire to compete in the Games, “Don’t do as I did.”

It all started with a high school assembly, when newly minted Olympic Decathlon Champion Rafer Johnson spoke to our student body.  He was an inspirational speaker, and he planted in my feverish brain a resolve to be an Olympic athlete. Forget Doctor, lawyer or Indian Chief, I was determined to be an Olympian.

Ghost of Twain, Pine Nuts: An Open Letter to Mr. Putin

Pine Nuts: An Open Letter to Mr. Putin

By McAvoy Layne

January-2022

Dear Mr. Putin,

At the height of the cold war, 1960, Russia issued a 40-kopec Mark Twain stamp for interior postage. 

You were only eight years old at the time, old enough to have read The Adventures of Tom Sawyer, perhaps, though not yet old enough to imagine a second cold war of 2022, in which you would be playing a major role.

Ghost of Twain with Twain statue on bench

Pine Nuts Nobility of Character

By McAvoy Layne

Nobility of character has fallen out of favor with us Americans. Our founding fathers had it, though they neglected to document the possession of it as an essential ingredient for election to office. I think it might better read, “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their Creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the pursuit of a noble character.”  What better epitaph could one have on one’s headstone than, “He Was a Good Man,” or, “She Was a Good Woman,” or, “John Doe Was a Good Woman.”

Group of people with Ghost of Mark Twain

Pine Nuts: Stepping Away From the Temporal Grid

By McAvoy Layne

Time, to my mind, is merely music, if we can only hear it.  It occurs to me that our lives are not played out over time, but are played out over melodies and harmonies that compose a swaying samba for instance, that might mature into a beautiful symphony.  A 32 year old has been alive for just over one billion seconds, but more significantly, perhaps that 32 year old has been waltzing through life in three quarter time, spreading joy at every turn.

Ghost of Twain, Pine Nuts: A Marshall Plan for Afghanistan

Pine Nuts: A Marshall Plan for Afghanistan

By McAvoy Layne

Dateline Afghanistan, where Afghans are in desperate need of a fix, a quick fix, and we can fix it.  This new year might be the year that America emerges from having been the world’s top cop, to becoming the world’s top doc, and Afghanistan could be our first patient, as they are on a ventilator.  

Ghost of Twain, The New Year’s Botox Party

The New Year's Botox Party

By McAvoy Layne

 

Dateline Saudi Arabia, where 40 Botox enhanced camels were recently disqualified from a beauty contest.  Personally, I feel sorry for those camels, as I had a personal experience with Botox myself that I’m almost too embarrassed to talk about…